Communication

As I wait for Pappa to add his words to a blog post, I decided that I needed to start a completely new one.

Communication…. Communication is key in any relationship, but especially in ours. I think we have a good handle on just how to do that. But then, then there are some days where we just don’t seem to be on the same wavelength no matter what is said.

It’s the end of the school year for me. I am super stressed with everything that I must finish. I apologized for not being the submissive that I should be.

Pappa has been sick for months. He is seeing two different doctors and we are trying to get a handle on what is going on so we can fix it. He has apologized to me for falling apart and not being there for me.

So, how are we on different wave lengths right now? I want to talk about our D/s relationship, growing it, making it stronger, and he wants to talk about going out and meeting others in the local kink community. Two alphas want what they want, when they want it. The thing that we want the most, it seems to be two different things. How to figure out to blend them together? I feel like I need to feel that I am a stronger submissive in order to be strong enough to go out into the kink community.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense to anyone but me. Sorry if you don’t understand where I’m coming from. I am trying my damnedest to not be bratty, to be a good submissive, but to also go after what I want to make me happy. A lesson that Pappa has tried to instill in me.

*sigh*

It’ll all work out. For now, I will just lay my head in Pappa’s lap.

I know that all of what I am feeling is because of my past relationship. I gave and gave and gave with barely receiving even a slight bit of what I wanted in return. It’s so easy for me to go back to those old feelings, I’m trying to protect myself from feeling pain. BUT, Pappa is not him. He is not in this for himself. He is doing this for US, both of us. Trust, I need to put all my trust into Him & His decisions.

I suppose I would just like to feel like my feelings are being acknowledged.