Research, research, research. Those were the words that Pappa told me when I said I believed that I wanted to be His submissive. Can I just say, how much I HATED those words? Wasn’t the whole point of being a submissive to do whatever I was told to do? Shouldn’t I just trust Him and whatever he tells me to do? Why do I have to be the one to do the research? Answer: because, He had already done His homework & research, it was my turn. AND He was telling me to do something, I needed to not question it and just do it!
Looking back now, I have been submissive my entire life. Wanting to please my parents and make them proud of me, doing for everyone else before myself….but, I wasn’t really and truly happy. But, I seem happy now, don’t I? Because I am! How did I get to this point? I found THEE person who truly deserved my submission.
Just because you are a submissive, it does not mean that just anyone deserves you or your gift! Pappa has always said that the submissive in the relationship is the one that truly holds all of the power. Without giving the gift of your submission, a Dom is not truly a Dom; they can identify as one, but they are not one.
Due to my previous, long term relationship, I put up with a lot of things that I thought I could change in him. I entered into my new dynamic looking for the things that I did not want to settle for happening. If Pappa did something or said something that I would not put up with for the rest of my life, I told Him and we talked about it. Now that we are 2 1/2 years into the relationship and dynamic, I have felt a shift in me. In order for me to completely give Him all of me, all of my submission, I know have to just do what He says, as and when He says it. No more talking to Him, trying to explain to Him why I will not do it, trying to reason with Him. I know what I am not only getting into, but am already in the middle of. If I could not truly be happy with this, now would be the time for me to walk away and end it.
Life is way to short to “put up with” shit from someone just because….just because you love them, just because you have an overwhelming urge to serve someone, just because you are a submissive and they are a Dominant. No matter which side of the slash you are on, YOU deserve to be happy. If the situation/dynamic you are in is not conducive to giving you all that you need and/or want…..WALK AWAY!!! There IS something/someone else out there that WILL give you all that you need and deserve!
If you listen to nothing else, please listen to this…I spent 23 years with a man that I thought I could change. I fell in love with him because he was always willing to do for others. It took me a very long time to realize the price I was paying for that fact and the fact that I was always being put last. I put not only myself, but also my children and my extended family through a lot of unnecessary, emotional turmoil. Did I learn a lot of lessons and things about myself? You betcha I did! Please, please make sure that you are with someone that sees the value and worth in you. But first, make sure that you KNOW your value and worth first!
~Live, Love, Learn ❤
HouseofEclipse 